To be raised as an Orthodox Christian while secretly coming to terms with my sexuality resulted in intrusive mental conflicts. Did God love me? Was I wrong for wanting to be with a man? And would God accept me into this “heaven” that I was told was for everyone but me? For years I tried to hide myself from a god I thought would look the other way as long as I did not act on my desires. I did not want to be deemed unholy. Deemed as unworthy by a community I so desperately cling to, I move through this life awaiting my answers.